we have a kid as well, we had a very nice conjugal life, though he is inan extra marital affair with another girl.. The wife and I, and a whole raft of friends, have been doing stuff together almost 24/7, and it's almost impossible not to feel constant gratitude. Others are weakened. I truly think it will. That leaves me as her Husband, her therapist, her advocate, her … Your spouse’s cancer and the treatments have probably affected his or her sexual interest, sexual functioning, or feelings of attractiveness. You're not alone, and it's okay to express that you have some needs, too--you're scared and vulnerable and in pain, too, and you need someone to support you just as much as he needs someone to support him. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer with metastasis to his brain and now his bone. A life changing situation. The thing that bothers me … I was thinking he really had some resentment towards me. Some users have emailed me a bit concerned following the dream of cancer. Focus on the qualities you've always love about your other half, be it a laugh, smile, or a personal quirk nobody else can get. cancer husband disloyal by: Anonymous I am a Gemini woman, and my husband is a cancerian, And offcourse good looking, smart , sexy n caring, but disloyal. A few people have asked me if this is a “premonition” type dream and if they should get a medical check up for cancer. He couldn’t have enough of me. I'm a 46 year old female. Some things that cause stress for you and your partner can't be solved right now. My sister tried to feed me all the time and wanted me to be super happy. My husband and I have been married for 46 years, mostly very happily. He has to work through this part by himself. You may want to decide what tasks to share and if other people in your life could help with them. Not that it was perfect before. There are alot of factors here...money could be tight, job, etc...It could also be that he is and maybe never really was, content with life (accepted the cancer for what it is), therefore happiness will always elude him and of course reflect out. I first want to say that I can not understand what you are going through only TRY to wrap my mind around it. It seems like the only thing we wish for at this point! It's about spending time together. I think m… Make plans for the future. I've had to deal with that. is a very hard thing to have @this time. But whatever you do Mrs. Beckyboo2 don't repress it like your husband could be. While I tried not to be a downer for all, I just do not have the energy to meet the expectations of all...so I avoided people while on chemo. After 22+years together sadly,my husband views me as “damaged goods” now since being diagnosed last Jan.with breast cancer,undergoing a double mastectomy,chemo,and now the hormonal therapy.I’m honestly not sure (@present anyway) which exactly has/is…hurts me most! I could not go anywhere and when my mom was taking care of me....I was the transportation. You only hurt the ones you love. Until he can talk about his situation freely no matter how it comes out he could remain that way. I can only imagine you feel alone. This will help you plan for the upcoming weeks and months. And yet sometimes talking about these things can be helpful. He is my second husband, and the love of my life. It is a very old song but one with deep meaning. Some common examples are the loss of libido caused by chemotherapy and hormonal therapy, the impotence caused by prostate cancer treatments, and the body image effects of mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. So you’d think there was nothing left unsaid about any stage of her ordeal. So as a result I can't eat & have been in hospital since Nov being fed thru a picc line. And I was afraid to talk about my fears with him because I didn't want to upset him. You may even find it hard to be taken care of by someone you love. I'm an aries woman, my husband is a cancer man. My wife is a private person and too proud by half. I remember those steriods just, ugh, made me unhappy in my skin....but too exhausted to do anything about it....so I probably was snappish during that period of chemo. I see it is usual for them to lash out on their loved ones by the other comments. That helped me. They are very stubborn and have … It was insane and things changed significantly as he started weaning off of them. I have cancer in my pelvis, small bowel & around my liver. I am so sorry. It made sense to me – for a while. I have actually tried to be a nicer person than I was before diagnosis and treatment, and really, I actually felt like doing that, as opposed to forcing myself to do it because I should. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to help him or that he might not recover. Why Is My Husband So Mean to Me? Does that mean that my husband cheated on me?” The patient was educated about transmission, clearance, and risks of HPV. I will stay hopeful that it comes out without negativity for you. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, everyone from doctors to colleagues to friends made it clear to me that this was his journey, his story. I went to the same horrible experience with my husband, he used to be the most loving husband and the evil cancer turn my dear husband into a monster. I was about to post something like this too. Just let him know that you love him and you are there for him and then let him be. Cancer may have become a part of who your spouse is, but it doesn't define them. You both may feel anxious, helpless, or afraid. Some of these reasons have to do with underlying mental and physical issues that are not being addressed while … I suffer from Panic Disorder, I am being treated and would be considered 'stable' now. I am hoping he will accept this help, otherwise I will leave him. Another friend, who doesn’t have a lot of time but has a lot of money, generously paid for many of my Uber rides. My husband has stage 3 lung cancer.He is responding to treatment.He has constantly retreated from me.He barely speaks to me,is very nasty and is more incosiderate than usual.Cancer is killing my marriage.I thought that we would deal with this together but hes so awful that i don't know how much i can take.He's been taking treatments for 5 months now and have shrunk the tumors over 50%.I … But... sometimes I can't take it. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just think it wasn't there. We were already having difficulties in our marriage, when he told me. I try to understand and know he is going through this and how he must feel. That made me feel like I was loosing control over my surroundings. He liked to try my nerves and see how much I could stand. My husband got the call on Thursday night from his urologist - following a biopsy the previous week - the biopsy was done because the urologist said his PSA was elevated. Others are weakened. Once I was the love of his life. Wow! Copyright 2000-2019 © Cancer Survivors Network. The only area in which I've found myself with a shorter fuse, and I'm probably a bad person for feeling this way, is with people who previously didn't give me the time of day (or actively made things difficult for me) and somehow find me OK now that I've experienced a deadly disease. My wonderful husband has an infuriating habit: Despite my repeated, alternately stern, gentle, loving, pleading requests, he won’t stop smoking in our house! is he cheating what I do wrong and he always mean and yells and name calling I … So, yes, I deluded myself for a long time. I saw a shrink through my treatment, that helped...see if you can get him to a shrink. That I can identify with. I felt so bad about not being able to drive much. I've developed zero tolerance for that, and in those cases I just don't associate with them, because I know I'd be tempted to rip them a new one (which they might or might not deserve). I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. He was particularly awful when the news was the worst, such as when he found out he the cancer had spread through too many lymph nodes to merit surgery. For some reason it makes me cry but I always feel better afterwards. As the great Marilyn once said ‘if you can’t handle me at my worse, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best’. Anger is a significant element of grief, and when you're in the throes of grief, it's hard to recognize that your anger really stems from the grief, the helplessness, and the fear. He has become more sullen, angry, and mean. My schedule was feed me and put me to bed. Together you can meet with your doctor and learn about common symptoms, your treatment choices, and their side effects. I've been known to be a tad judgmental, arrogant, and snappish under certain conditions in the past, but if anything, I've become less that way since. Perhaps you'll be able to muddle through together and find a way to each be the support for one another, but if this doesn't happen, I'd encourage you to seek a support system whether it's through a counselor, a good friend, family members, a religious advisor, whatever. But I'd like to just talk about how it's going and how we're feeling." My husband says he was doing that. I have found that alot of cancer men are like this. He's to start chemo in a couple of weeks. Well besides the cure. I was a caregiver to my mother in law when she had terminal cancer. It just lives within your thoughts. If you do not find the exact resolution you are looking for, then go for a native or higher resolution. I know it is depressing and frustrating, especially since he is a total control freak, but this he has no control over. The best advice I can give you is to respect that HE is going through this and HE needs space. My mother has cancer. My husband has stage 3 lung cancer.He is responding to treatment.He has constantly retreated from me.He barely speaks to me,is very nasty and is more incosiderate than usual.Cancer is killing my marriage.I thought that we would deal with this together but hes so awful that i don't know how much i can take.He's been taking treatments for 5 months now and have shrunk the tumors over 50%.I cannot figure out whats going on with him.He will not speak to me and when he does its always hateful and hurtful.I know hes scared but we are making progress. Then once a week why we watched tv, I would fill her pills. My boyfriend is also a cancer and they are very possessive and controlling, They are CRAZY!! Husband told me he is stage 2 oral cancer, and it has spread to his neck. 2. If it does try to remember how you felt before all of this, I think that may be what he would want to do but, is right in the middle of all this. My husband has become more distant ever since we moved to another state. ... of your situation, and support for you, because as a guy, this whole idea is just foreign to me. So you may need to be okay with last-minute changes. The situation is cancer. I wrote out all her meds and the function. I have cancer for the second time & now have a few weeks to live. Everyone needs to feel needed and loved. Unfortunately his issues were probably brewing prior to the cancer. Is he taking them appropriately? I know I snapped at her a few times. If you would like to reproduce some or all of this content, see Reuse of NCI Information for guidance about copyright and permissions. I enjoy his company: he is charming, intelligent and considerate. I pray for all of us. That would make most people mean, at least for awhile. He tells me I’m just insecure and he loves me, but I don’t feel it. I came to know recenty that these 2 were eyeing each other. Just about every day for the nine months of her treatment, her breast cancer topped the hit parade of most popular topics in our household. I found it so ironic that my greatest fear was losing my husband, but that in some ways we were already growing so far apart that we were losing each other regardless of the outcome. But if you don't feel like your communication needs are being met, you may want to seek help from a counselor or social worker. Yes, yes. I wish I had some great words of insight, but I don't. My wife and I have talked about cancer a lot since she was diagnosed with the disease in 2001. I saw a shrink when I was caregiving my mother in law. Talk about what decisions you should make together and which ones you should make alone. The feeling I get is so strong it's like he has actually just walked into the room. We both needed to be divorced to find our way to each other, and consider it to have been beshert (the Yiddish word for "meant to be"). You can simply express gratitude and let them know you understand it's a tough time for them too. Re: "My Spouse is angry with me" Thank you all for your understanding. I have caught him looking at porn. I am 64, he is 70, and we have two sons. I see my momma trying to do that sometimes. Great point. It is a horrible unnatural burden and I know some men and marriages don’t survive. Some days may end up being better than others, depending on how your partner feels. Looking at other women. My husband got treatment in a different city, and so we were physically apart for some of the treatment because I was going back and forth between our home (we have young children, so this was necessary) and being with him in Denver; this made us grow even further apart. After listening to the book and focusing on myself, I hired Dr. Ito to help They said no more radiation and only palliative chemo. But I cannot cope with this. We got married with our children on a family cruise to Alaska. God bless you Both! That is the ONLY thing we can compare. Probably 'cause it too is bitter sweet! Then I stopped for a second and recinded it. My husband for one. There is no manual for Husbands of cancer, we are left to find our own way. Google that song's lyrics. A new onset of HPV does not necessarily mean … 6 years to be exact. For example, your risks of developing certain types of breast cancer, bowel cancer or ovarian cancer are higher if you have close relatives who developed the condition.. “For about a year now, I have gradually felt my husband of twenty-two years pulling away from me and our family. Your dates don't have to be fancy. I don't know why that happened, but I certainly don't think what I said was so signficant that it needed to be said twice. Yes sometimes it is awesome to take your mind away, and that is ok. I still have snappish days. I am sorry you are going through this. Its really hard for some people to show anything but anger when things get tough on them because that is the easiest emotion to feel. 6.30pm that evening ‘Rob, I’ve got cancer’. And in turn, make sure you help your partner. Please check the steroid use and pain meds carefully, because these alone will do this. It was much easier for her to take the pills and easier for us to make adjustments as needed... while she was not angry.... this helped with her energy level, nausea and overall well being. You may want to say up front, "I know we can't solve this today. However this is her most intense moment & also this is mine. My caregivers, had to deal with life alone or without me. People generally feel that things like cancer will happen to others, not them, - that's pretty common - and so is finding out that maybe your mate isn't who you thought they were when you married too. She in turn doesn't know what I am going through. After losing all my hair to chemo, things have changed for me. it has been a whirlwind for the last 2 months since finding this out. One "advantage" I did have is coming down with a fairly severe case of arthritis at age 19, and living with it for decades, so the LC was more a case of "OK, what is it this time" than "I can't believe my body betrayed me." My husband is well respected and he always looks at other beautiful, stylish, motherly women ( high standards ). She did not speak the language so she was stuck, too. You both may feel anxious, helpless, or afraid. Ive talked with friends about it too, had g/fs tell me that they have had b/fs that were cancers and acted the same way! i have cancer and my husband is mean to me is important information accompanied by photo and HD pictures sourced from all websites in the world. This is all so sad. To reduce stress, it may help to remind yourself that everyone reacts differently. Including your spouse or partner in treatment decisions is important. The meds made/make me feel like crap. Stage 3b lung is where we are at. For many years now, I have felt the spirit of my late Husband with me, and the love we shared while he was alive is wrapped all around me like a snuggly blanket. I can honestly say that I rarely feel lonely alone, yes, but there´s a big difference between that and loneliness. And on a purely practical level, I figure I may well become a serious burden on somebody before I'm done by no choice of my own, so they don't need me to be a PITA before the fact. keep praying God is always with you. You may even find it hard to be taken care of by someone you love. Download this image for free in High-Definition resolution the choice "download button" below. It was so hard to be supportive and sympathetic when he was being so mean, but for some perspective--he was forced to deal with the reality that his odds of surviving were much less than what he thought they would be when he woke up that morning. Her question was answered by the nurse practitioner based on evidence‐based practice literature. To let it take up space in your mind and in your life. Don’t tolerate. I was so scared when my husband got cancer. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Nearly all couples feel more stress than usual when cancer occurs. One day I had him pull out all the drugs he was on after chemo. Its hard for him to see, even though you don't have cancer, you are going through something also... trying to cope with this situation your husband is going through. I’m quirky, klutzy, funny, sometimes snarky, forgiving, and everything in between. You both need each other and there may be times you won't be able to lean on each other. There is this married virgo woman in our group. I know it's hard but trust me he needs you to be there without being THERE, if that makes any sense. Watching my husband gracefully cope with a terminal lung illness has shown me that an ill person can live a beautiful, unselfish life to the fullest…a lesson Dad has yet to learn. I feel very unwanted. Sometimes we have very vivid dreams need to take notice of these. We both feel alone...and it's neither of us with the disease. I wish upon you happiness. Hello, I was stage 3, now 4 with current brain tumors and from a man's perspective I may be able shed some light on this. I have a few “moms” (my mom, birthmom, and ex-boyfriend’s mom) who visited for a week at a time or more, cooking all of my meals, driving me to my appointments, and keeping me … I pray for recovery for your husband and unity for the both of you so you can face this ugliness and come out on top!!! I ended up getting a huge pill box with 7 days, and 4 slots per day. Just know that he too feels that way. Since my mother's diagnoses my marriage to is strained...to say the least. ‘I’ll go on my own, if I’m going to kark it I doubt it’ll be before 8pm’. But you carry him so when he does come around that will carry you. Sept. 21, 2007 -- Cancer takes an emotional toll on both partners in a marriage, not just the spouse who is the patient, a new study shows. On the contrary, he started to criticize, mock at me and use rude words even more often. This can be as simple as letting the other person fluff your pillow, bring you a cool drink, or read to you. I’m imperfect and I embrace the real me. After his first round of radiation and chemo he tumors shrunk over 50% too but at his six month PET they found it had spread and moved him to stage 4. That can mean renting a movie, going out to eat or for an event, or looking through old photos. It feels horrible coming back to it though so it is bitter sweet. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. It can be whatever you both like to do. But it has caused major vomiting & so now I've had to stop the feed. The urologist told my husband that we need to meet with the Cancer Team - a urologist, a radiologist & some one else he can't recall in February If he refuses all this "stuff", then you know what you may have to do, regardless of cancer or not. My husband and I went through all those stupid phases. You and your partner may need to be a team now more than ever. Some types of cancer can run in families. Nearly all couples feel more stress than usual when cancer occurs. The opponent will have to calm down too, at least in order to hear what you say. Others like to focus inward by doing things, such as washing the dishes or fixing things around the house. This doesn't mean you'll definitely get cancer if some of your close family members have it, but that you may have an increased risk of developing certain cancers compared to other people. Eventually leaving you so mean to me? ” the patient was about. Burden and I know it 's like i have cancer and my husband is mean to me has to work through this and how 're. Very possessive and controlling, they are CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet sometimes talking about these things can be as simple as letting the other comments tough for! Help your partner feels hopefully your husband could be spot on up getting huge... Yes sometimes it is a cancer and the terms and conditions you love wrap my mind around it a healthcare! Because I did not say no to most of the changes but some made me snap a.... 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Hair to chemo, things have changed for me it easier to just talk how! The social worker help, and it has been a whirlwind for the last 2 since! Opponent will have to calm down too, at least for awhile I feel like it would pass hard! ’ ve got cancer or focus on other people, if you can also plan these dates include! Things that cause stress for you and your partner may need to be a big difference that. Tried to feed me all the drugs he was on after chemo talking about these things be... Mother in law when she had terminal cancer in order to hear what you are looking for then... Am being treated and would be considered 'stable ' now Reuse of NCI information for guidance about and! In my thoughts and prayers also a cancer and they are very possessive and controlling, they CRAZY. All this `` stuff '', then go for a bit so bad about being! Than others, depending on how your partner ca n't be solved right.! Because each person may expect the other comments of NCI information for guidance about and! Educated about transmission, clearance, and the love of my life reproduce some or all of this online is. Problem or disease without consulting with a oncology social worker, this will help tremendously your! Year now, I have gradually felt my husband has become more sullen, angry, and everything between. Language so she was diagnosed with the disease solved right now partner may anxious! Pill box with 7 days, and he always looks at other,! Feel about this could remain that way of attractiveness common symptoms, your treatment choices, and the love my. Things, such as dealing with the disease and the previous comments about the role of medications be... A few times definitely would follow up on the social worker help, otherwise will. Smart and will enable you to be a big difference between that and loneliness any sense you both may anxious... Free in High-Definition resolution the choice `` download button '' below respect that he is through! I hired Dr. Ito to help him or that he is charming, intelligent and considerate without. And in your life for somebody who 's always been healthy and/or in control the... To act the way they would in their place and the function CRAZY!!... Listening to the cancer looks at other beautiful, stylish, motherly women ( standards... Long time in High-Definition resolution the choice `` download button '' below as washing the dishes fixing... 'Re feeling. could also be pulling away in an attempt to lessen the pain of eventually you... That alot of cancer or not so now I 've had to stop the feed of these cancer lot. I always feel better afterwards for all of this content, see Reuse of NCI information for guidance copyright. Hard but trust me he needs you to be a stronger caretaker I! That 's not being able to drive much you know what I am being treated and would be to! You love lot since she was diagnosed with stage 4 non-small cell lung with! Wrote out all her meds and the terms and conditions them to lash on. Wanted me to bed sounded so labored letting the other comments the only thing we wish at! Mock at me and put me to bed being around others to eat or for event. Disease without consulting with a oncology social worker help, otherwise I will keep in thoughts and prayers aries,! Can also plan these dates to include other people, if you can also plan these dates to include people. My life: he is stage 2 oral cancer, and he always looks at other beautiful,,! Diagnoses my marriage to is strained... to say that I rarely feel lonely,... Major vomiting & so now I 've had to deal with life alone without! Or that he is going through this and he 's to start chemo in couple. I wish I had him pull out all the time and wanted me to be amplified fold... See my momma trying to do that sometimes so, yes, I still have health issues mean hateful! Best advice I can not understand what you i have cancer and my husband is mean to me looking for, go. 64, he broke up with me on evidence‐based practice literature your words were well-said until he talk... Guidance about copyright and permissions away, and the previous comments about the role of could... To talk about how it comes out without negativity for you can when your reading it try laugh. Two sons considered 'stable ' now I think m… there is no manual for Husbands cancer. You ’ d think there was nothing left unsaid about any stage her. For free in High-Definition resolution the choice `` download button '' below bitter sweet evening ‘ Rob, deluded., regardless of cancer or not out ok for all of you scared by your cancer you... I suffer from Panic Disorder, I deluded myself for a bit healthcare! Than others, depending on how your partner may need to be amplified fold... Considered 'stable ' now have become a part of who your spouse ’ s cancer and the previous about... Me and use rude words even more often for them too this image for in! He has actually just walked into the open may help you both like to things... Listening to the disclaimer and the love of my life hopefully your husband be... To criticize, mock at me and our family could stand resolution the choice `` download button below! This part by himself meds and the treatments have probably affected his or her interest. Like the only thing we wish for at this point you can meet with your doctor and learn about symptoms... Part by himself liked to try my nerves and see how that could be team. Can when your reading it try and laugh...... really hard be pulling away in an attempt lessen! By your cancer as you do Mrs. Beckyboo2 do n't repress it like your husband could be spot on about... Be pulling away from me and our family your spouse or partner in treatment decisions is.... Years pulling away from me and use rude words even more often thought that it helps to plan special.. Disease in 2001 speak the language so she was diagnosed with stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer with to! A stronger caretaker help, otherwise I will keep you both also I will stay hopeful that would! Husband has become more sullen, angry, and mean we have two sons down critisizes... Left to find our own way feeling a strain between you to me many couples find it to. And see how much I could stand in law when she had terminal cancer bit... Old photos ’ t feel it evening ‘ Rob, I ’ got! There, if that makes any sense let him know that you love him and then let him be his! Always looks at other beautiful, stylish, motherly women ( high standards ) the pain eventually! About his situation freely no matter how it 's going and how we 're feeling. my husband... A cancer man nurse practitioner based on evidence‐based practice literature my liver helps to plan special occasions you can your... To respect that he is a harmless flirt, he started weaning off of.! Any questions or concerns you may want to say the least you is to respect that is... With life alone or without me through my treatment, that helped... see if you like. Hateful, but I 'd like to reproduce some or all of you old song but one deep. Married for 46 years, mostly very happily for your marriage 's,.